Smitha Tumuluru

Sanviti Iyer

Editor

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Anjali has always referred to Thulasi as her amma
(mother). The proud mother is smiling as she tells us this, her
curls held in a bun, her pink saree neatly tied. Thulasi is a trans woman
and mother to her nine-year-old daughter. 

Thulasi was in her late teens when she
began referring to herself as ‘Karthiga’. Later, an official made a mistake in her
ration card and wrote ‘Thulasi’ – a gender fluid name in Tamil. She happily
adopted it then and answers to both names. 

She lives with her daughter Anjali in a
small, thatched hut in Dargas, an Irula hamlet in Thiruporur taluk of Tamil Nadu. Thulasi’s wife
separated from her when Anjali was an infant, and so she brought her up as a
single parent. The couple lost their nine-year-old first-born child in cyclone Vardah in
2016. 

Now in her forties, Thulasi has been part of a thirunangai (Tamil word for a trans woman) group
for several years. Looking fondly at Anjali who is sitting on her lap she
continues, “I would take her along with a milk-bottle in her hand to our [thirunangai] meetings.”

When Anjali was around four years old,
Thulasi was keen to be recognised as her mother and so switched from wearing a veshti (a garment worn by men) to wearing only
sarees. She says she did this also on the advice of Kumudhi, a 50-year-old thirunangai, whom Thulasi considers aaya (grandmother). 



Referring to this moment when she
started asserting her gender identity as a woman, she says, “Vilambaramaave vandhutten [I came out openly].” 



To mark this transition, Thulasi
underwent a ritual wedding with Ravi, a 40-year-old relative from Vedaiyur
in Tiruvallur
district. In this custom, common among trans women in Tamil Nadu, the
marriage is merely symbolic. Ravi’s family – his wife Geetha and two teenage
daughters, accepted Thulasi into their family as a blessing. “We all, including
my husband, call her ‘amma’. She is
like a god to us,” says Geetha. 



Thulasi continues to live in Dargas and
meets her new family on special occasions. 



Around the same time, her seven
siblings began calling her ‘amma’ or ‘sakthi’ (goddess)
after she began wearing sarees everyday. They believe her transition has to do
with the grace of the goddess (amman arul).

Everyone in her tightly-knit Irula
community was aware of her gender and so there was no need to hide it, says
Thulasi. “My wife too knew fully well about me before we got married,” says
Thulasi. “No one ever said I shouldn’t behave or dress in a certain way,
neither when I wore a kudumi [tiny
knot of hair] nor when I started wearing saree,” she adds. 



A friend of Thulasi, Poongavanam recalls
friends asking why Thulasi behaved ‘like a girl’. “Our village was our world.
We had not seen anyone like him [Thulasi]. We accepted thinking there are
people like this too,” he says, dismissing the idea that anyone ever
disrespected or teased Thulasi or Anjali.



Her parents, Senthamarai and Gopal,
now in their late seventies, also accepted her the way she was. Seeing her
sensitive nature when Thulasi was young they decided, “avan
manasa punpadutha koodaadhu [we must not hurt his feelings].” 



“It is a good thing [that Thulasi wears
sarees]. It is like the amman has
come home,” says Senthamarai, joining hands and closing her eyes in a silent
prayer, echoing the family’s sentiment that Thulasi is the manifestation of
their goddess. Senthamarai passed away in late 2023. 

Every month, Thulasi travels 125 kilometres with
her thirunangai community to visit
Melmalayanur, a temple town in Viluppuram district and bless the devotees.
“People believe that a thirunangai’s word
comes true. I never curse people, only bless them and accept what they give
us,” she says. She also believes that her choice of wearing sarees everyday has
made her blessings more effective and she has even travelled to Kerala to bless
a family.

Her knowledge of herbal remedies for
common ailments used to bring in an income but that has been declining the last
few years. “I have cured a lot of people. But now, they all see their mobile
and treat themselves! There was a time I earned even 50,000 [rupees]. It became
40,000 then 30,000, now I hardly earn 20,000 in a year,” she sighs. The Covid
years were the hardest.



Along with managing a temple for Irular
goddess Kanniamma,
Thulasi started taking up noor naal velai
(MGNREGA) work five years ago. She works on farms along with other women in
Dargas, earning around Rs. 240 a day. The Mahatma Gandhi National Rural
Employment Guarantee Act guarantees 100 days of employment in a year to rural
families.



Anjali is enrolled in a government
residential school near Kancheepuram district. Thulasi says her education is
a priority. “I’m trying my best to get her educated. During covid, she didn’t
like being away in a hostel. So I kept her close to me. But there was no one
here to teach [her],” she says. In early 2023 when Thulasi, who studied till
Class two, went to enrol Anjali in the school, she was felicitated as the first
transgender parent.



While some of Thulasi’s thirunangai friends have chosen to
undergo gender affirming surgeries she says, “everyone accepts me the way I am,
what is the need to undergo a surgery at this age?” 



But the constant chatter on the topic in the
group makes her reconsider despite the fears of side-effects: “summer may be a
good time to undergo surgery. Healing would be faster.”

The
cost is no small amount – roughly Rs. 50,000 for surgery and hospitalisation at
private hospitals. She wants to explore Tamil Nadu government’s <a href="https://tg.tnsw.in/webapp/index.aspx">policy </a>for free gender affirming
surgeries for trans persons and see if she can get state support. 



In February 2023, Thulasi
along with Senthamarai and Anjali visited Melmalayanur temple to celebrate the
popular festival called masaana kollai
(also known as mayaana kollai). 



Holding her mother’s hands
Anjali pranced along the crowded temple streets meeting old friends. Ravi and
Geetha came with their extended families. Thulasi’s thirunangai family – her guru,
sisters and several others joined them. 



Thulasi, with a large red
vermillion dot on her forehead and a long braided wig was chatting with
everyone. “I’m happiest now!” she said, laughing and breaking into an
occasional dance. 



“You ask Anjali how many mothers she
has,” Thulasi said to me at a family festival. 



I did and Anjali promptly replied, “two” as she
grinned and pointed to both Thulasi and Geetha.

‘Everyone accepts me the way I am’

’لوگوں نے مجھے اسی شکل میں قبول کر لیا ہے‘

‘ప్రతి ఒక్కరూ నన్ను నన్నుగానే స్వీకరిస్తారు’

'ਮੈਂ ਜਿਵੇਂ ਹਾਂ ਉਸੇ ਰੂਪ ਵਿੱਚ ਸਭ ਨੂੰ ਮਨਜ਼ੂਰ ਵੀ ਹਾਂ'

‘ମୁଁ ଯେମିତି ସମସ୍ତେ ମୋତେ ସେମିତି ଗ୍ରହଣ କରିଛନ୍ତି’

'मी जशी आहे तसं सगळ्यांनी मला स्वीकारलंय'

'എല്ലാവരും എന്നെ ഞാനായിത്തന്നെ അംഗീകരിക്കുന്നു'

'ನನ್ನನ್ನು ಜನರು ನಾನಿರುವಂತೆಯೇ ಸ್ವೀಕರಿಸುತ್ತಿದ್ದಾರೆ'

‘मैं जैसी हूं उसी रूप में सबको मंज़ूर हूं’

'બધા મને હું જેવી છું તેવી સ્વીકારે છે'

‘मंय जइसने हवं, वइसनेच सब्बो ला मंजूर हवं’

‘हम जइसन बानी, लोग वइसहीं अपना लेले बा’

‘আমি যেমন, তেমনি করেই সবাই মেনে নিয়েছে আমাকে’

‘মই যেনে, তেনেকৈয়ে সকলোৱে মোক মানি লৈছে’

‘எப்படி இருக்கிறேனோ அப்படியே எல்லாரும் என்னை ஏற்றுக் கொள்கிறார்கள்’

Dargas

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‘Everyone accepts me the way I am’

Thulasi is from the Irular community and a member of the thirunangai community of trans gender people. A single parent, she supports herself with daily wage work, participating in temple rituals and passing on herbal remedies. On March 31, a story for International Day of Transgender Visibility

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