What’s in a name? Plenty, if you are a girl

“Venda”, she replied in Tamil, when we asked for her name. It took a few moments of confusion to realise that it was indeed her name, and she was not voicing a refusal to answer. The word ‘venda’, short for vendaam in Tamil, translates to ‘don’t want / not wanted’.

N. Vendam is the 39-year-old daughter of Narasimman and the late Rajammal. She is the fifth child and was born to a mother weakened by multiple pregnancies – three boys and two girls. Her parents named her ‘Venda’ as a prayer to not have any more children. Her Aadhaar card lists her name as ‘Vendam’.

In a conversation some years ago when she was alive, Rajammal had told me that had the child been a boy, he would not have been named ‘Venda’. But they had a daughter, and the future was sealed in the birth certificate.

But the late Rajammal did express her regret: “Had we given you an auspicious name, and not repeated ‘venda venda’, perhaps you would have had better luck in life,” she told her daughter

Venda estimates that there are at least 10 other women named Venda in her village, Maddur, in Thiruvallur district of Tamil Nadu. “This name used to be common in our community in many surrounding villages in Tiruttani block,” she tells PARI.

In other districts here in southern TN, one comes across names like ‘Podhum Ponnu’, ‘Ini Podhum Ponnu’. These translate to ‘enough girls’ or ‘enough girls for now’ respectively, making the intent unmistakably clear.

In Singampuneri block of Sivanganga district, P. Podhum Ponnu, 27, is third among six siblings, and one of the five to share a name with others in her hamlet, Gopalapachery. “Despite my name, my parents had two more girls after me!” she says laughing.

Venda’s parents, both weavers, had thought about changing her name in school certificates, but never got around to doing it. “Children would tease me saying ‘venda-bonda [bonda is a fried snack, and rhymes with venda]’. I would be so embarrassed and even questioned my parents,” she recalls.

But luckily it didn’t stop Venda from staying in school, and she went on to earn two graduate degrees – a B.Sc. and a B.Ed. She aspired to be a teacher but had to discontinue her M.Sc (Maths) to care for her nine-year-old son who suffers from a chronic congenital health issue. She is now a village tutor for Aid India, an NGO working on education interventions.

“People don't keep this name anymore. They realise it is ugly,” she tells this reporter. Determined to give her daughter a beautiful name, Venda named her Nethravathi. “Everyone who hears it, praises it,” she adds, her voice filled with emotion. “If you offer me even a crore of rupees, I will never name my children ‘Venda’.”